first of all, i need to update anyone who cares about my life changing at the drop of a hat. i am no longer working at the ranch (not really suprising since i change jobs like i change underwear) and my husband and i are now the proud parents to be of a 16 year old delinquent ward of the state (whole 'nother story folks). i have recently rediscovered my long lost passion for bellydance and i now have a mostly working, older than i am, probably too difficult for me to ride motorcycle that is liable to kill me soon...YAY! so...on to our story.
have you ever made such a huge ass of yourself you were no longer willing to be your own friend anymore? see, i work at an italian restaurant in town now...a NICE italian restaurant, and we have some regular customers that we all know and joke with...well, i try NOT to joke with them because i haven't worked there long and i DONT WANT TO MAKE AN ASS OF MYSELF because even though most people don't beleive me i KNOW that i am insane. a few nights ago one such customer came in and sat by himself at the bar as i was getting off work. now, i knew that this guy rode a harley and i was going stir crazy waiting for my honda to come home from the "shop" (yet ANOTHER story...remind me later) so i ambled over and struck up a conversation about motorcycles in general. for a while i did pretty well passing for normal. i should really learn when to quit. after about 15 minutes a server friend of mine walked by (we'll just call her fran) and this regular customer (lets call him...uh...zaldoth) stopped her.
ok....time out, this next part of the story involves my name and i'm just not willing to use that here so bear with me for the rest...
zaldoth: *pointed look at savage that savage OBVIOUSLY mistook for conspiracy* fran, dear, i just wanted to let you know that savage's father passed away last night.
fran: *horrified look at savage* oh my goodness....
savage:(inwardly trying to work this new development in the conversation out in her head, assumes from the conspiritorial look that zaldoth intends to play a hateful joke on fran....doesnt know what to do....)*gazes back forlornly at fran attempting in vain not to burst into peals of panicky laughter trying to play along and feeling quite befuddled and rediculous*
zaldoth: yeah well...i just wanted you to know because you always wait on me when i come in...
fran: *still glancing back and fourth between savage and zaldoth* i'm so sorry to hear it i just...
savage: *too nervouse, must die laughing now* i'm sorry...*still laughing* i cant do it...i just cant...
zaldoth and fran exchange troubled and confused looks now and try to continue their conversation...
zaldoth: well you know they just moved back last year and he's been sick but we all thought he would pull through....it was just so sudden, she's really torn up about it...
fran: yeah i remember him being sick..i hope she'll be ok
at this point i have stopped laughing (which, i would like to interject, i was only doing because i knew i was in a socially awkward position and since i have the social skills of a retarded chicken, laughing is all i usually can do) and am horrified...i wait for a break in the conversation...
savage: um...mr. zaldoth.....is your wife's name....uh....savage?
fran exits stage left bless her
zaldoth: *obviously wondering how i missed this vital tidbit* er...yes
savage: *dies*
well.....i wished at the time i had died....i actually had to beg this poor greiving man's forgiveness for not only missing the cue to excuse myself from the conversation (see "pointed look" above) which was rude but ALSO for being completely insensitive about his father-in-law's death and LAUGHING as he told the story to his friend..... thank Jesus for people with good breeding because i CERTAINLY dont have any..... mr. zaldoth was really nice about the whole thing
Monday, February 16, 2009
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